April 4, 2013

I'm not sure why I took this photo. Maybe I just wanted to ask myself what the fuck was happening to me? I felt hopeless and full of self-loathing which was a new and scary feeling for me, not to mention physically I was lethargic and pimply and aching and crying in the toilets for ‘no reason’.

I didn't realise it was depression for a while (to be honest I didn’t think I was the “type” of person who could get depressed - hah!) but eventually a friend noticed I wasn't okay. He told me about Headspace, a youth counselling service here in Australia. I booked in to talk with a psychologist there every fortnight. She was nice, she listened to me, took my mental health seriously, gave me practical resources and reminded me that I don’t have to feel this way forever.

It was helpful to tell a few close friends and teachers what was going on. I felt really anxious telling them, but it was a relief too. Some of them had been through depression themselves which made me feel less alone. I tried to get some fresh air every day, go for a walk, or see a friend, or move my body in a gentle way. I tried to ask for help, even though I often felt embarrassed or unworthy or confused about what I actually needed. I tried to be patient and kind to myself, because it takes time to heal.

If you're feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts (or have noticed a friend who might be) please do chat to someone at Headspace or Beyond Blue. They’re nice! And they’re here for you! If you live elsewhere in the world, TWLOHA has a list of the people you can talk to in your local area or on the phone.

Can I say it one more time? It does get better. You're not alone. Needing to ask for a little help is nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching out to a friend or making an appointment to talk to someone is a brave and self-aware thing to do.

Sending you love and thinking of you.

Lisa x
This is a 2013 post from my old blog.

I want to leave it here for anyone who is struggling to cope with life right now, or knows someone who might be.

You don’t have to do this alone.