April 4, 2013
I'm not sure why I took this photo. Maybe I just wanted to ask myself what the fuck was happening to me? I felt hopeless and full of self-loathing which was a new and scary feeling for me, not to mention physically I was lethargic and pimply and aching and crying in the toilets for “no reason”.
I didn't realise it was depression for a while (to be honest I thought depression was something that happened to other people, not me) but eventually a friend noticed I wasn't okay. He told me about Headspace (a youth counselling service here in Australia) and I started talking to a psychologist there every fortnight. She gave me practical, ongoing support and reminded me that I don’t have to feel this way forever.
It was helpful to tell a few close friends and teachers what was going on, even though it was an uncomfortable chat to begin! Some of them had been through depression too, which made me feel less alone. I tried to get some fresh air every day, move my body in a gentle way. I asked for help, even though I often felt embarrassed or unworthy or didn’t exactly know what I needed. In hindsight I wish I’d been more patient and kind to myself, because it takes time to heal.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by your thoughts (or have noticed a friend who might be) please do chat to someone at Headspace or Beyond Blue. They’re nice! If you live elsewhere in the world, TWLOHA has a list of similar resources for you.
Can I say it one more time? It does get better. You're not alone. Ask for help! It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching out to a friend or making an appointment to talk to someone is an incredibly brave and self-aware thing to do.
Sending you love and thinking of you!
This is a 2013 post from my old blog. I want to leave it here in case it's helpful to you or someone you know. A small reminder that you’re not alone and you don't need to feel ashamed if you're struggling to cope with life right now. You’re not alone!